Releasing, Blossoming and Receptivity...

Aloha Everyone!

I wrote this yesterday, as a pseudo-journal. As much as I would like to refine it and put it in some sort of order that may or may not make more sense, what came through was organic and makes its own sense in doing so. It follows more of a creative flow, which is non-linear. More of where-we-are-headed (I think), and less intellectual linear-ness. My apologies if it does not make sense in its form as it is written. As I said, it's in-flow, and in the form of how my spirit speaks. My hope is that on some level it will bring hope, awareness and whatever-else-you-may-need-at-this-moment by reading it. 

Enjoy:

These last couple of days have been interesting… Today I cannot stop between eating and drinking tea, and am beyond tired. 

Yesterday I felt a bone-cold chill most of the day, which I was shown was the cold of the cosmos… that I (and others) were feeling the actual cold that is in the stillness of space… that the changes are indeed at our doorstep. I also came home from work, completely passed out on the futon, mid-computering, for two hours… Then laid down on my bed and fell asleep from 7pm-11:30pm, got up, was semi-awake for a half an hour or so, then fell asleep again until 7am. And was still tired all day today. In fact, I will probably go to bed soon (it's 6:30pm). (For those of us who are energetically sensitive to the shifts happening, I am sure you are having your own version of this. For those of you that have not yet been sensitive, this is what you can look forward to. LOL)

Besides all of that, so many things were huge yesterday. Working backwards a bit, before I fell asleep the first time on the bed, I was in the in-between state (not asleep but not awake… It feels to me like a heightened state, actually, of being very aware and in or just above the body, but just… well… in-between states). I was super aware of an angelic or benevolent presence that looked a lot like the energy in the pictures I took at Akaka Falls just two days before. There was no humanoid shape (if anything, closer to an orb), just a magenta and rainbow energy, and they facilitated upgrades, grid work, etc. on me. It was very cool to see all of the interconnecting energy lines (but, less lines and more like whispy arteries or mesh or something…like what you see in the natural world a lot - the inner workings of things and connected tendrils). I knew and had the solid sense that huge shifts were going on, and could feel them energetically and physically as well.

Even before this during the day, lots of things were happening… In the morning I was moody and could not pinpoint what it was, exactly. Through the day and through a text with a best friend, I found that I was getting ready to process a huge piece and blockage that had been there for a long time. 

It had started to break loose - or, rather, the initial hammer had hit - the night before. I had gone to dinner with a couple of friends, and had a great time. There was laughing, there were women dressed up (myself included, from work), and there was winking. A couple of times. Now, my one friend is a winker. I am not in like with her in that way, and she is not with me. The hammer, however, struck me because although I have had my crushes or likes or whatever-label-you-want-to-call-them-for-me-liking-people-and-they-not-returning-the-like, it's been years since I've had a dinner with an attractive, dressed-up woman who winked at me… or had any kind of female attention that I allowed to be serious or received. Perhaps before I've not been in that setting and been in as receptive of a space as I am now. 

The point of this piece is that it truly was the hammer that begun to knock loose something within me that I had forgotten was there, and now I am able to actually have on a different level. I had a few huge moments of release of grief for not having had an actual, mutual connection with a woman in years… even through a few relationships… for not having had that depth of care and tenderness, and for not having been receptive to that until probably right now. I have longed for it my whole life, yet only now have I come to a place where I can have it - where I can receive it. I felt a huge wall crumble and fall yesterday - I literally saw a huge stone wall fall down in/from my space energetically. 

It is also only now that I have reached a space of having a deep caring and a tenderness for myself… that I see myself as precious and through all of the grief and letting go yesterday, I had and have such a tenderness… a preciousness and a compassion for myself in this. I truly want for myself to have this experience of a beautiful, tender relationship. To give and receive all that is in my heart and theirs. I just… see myself and have a great care of myself that I haven't before. I am still me, yet also can be outside of myself and hold this compassion and preciousness for myself. It is an amazing space to be in… I have still not processed it all, and things are shifting and integrating… yet I feel I am ready now. I have a solidarity that I am ready now for my Partner. I hold this tenderness for myself, for me to have it…and I hold a preciousness for myself to wait for it because I am sacred unto myself. Through all that my life has been, and is, and will be… I hold myself sacred. With the big fat mess in certain areas of my life that it is right now, it is o.k. It is nothing more than a messy room. It will be messy for a while, or not, but I am not my messy room. I am a sacred child of the Universe, and I am as powerful and as precious as a shining star. 

I wish that all of us are able to get here - to this space. For even before this space and beyond this space we are able to see this in each other as well. That we are all precious, powerful, shining stars. 

Much Love to All,

Holly

The Distracted Superhero

(*photo credit to Gerald Parel)

Lately there have been a couple of themes that weave together. The first is distraction, the second is our Superhero Selves. If we are in a state of distraction, we deny not just ourselves of Who We Are, but we deny the World this gift as well.

I have seen several examples around me lately - in brilliant people - a massive amount of distraction energy. People spinning around like tops, or jumping from one thing to another to another to another with a dizzying speed. At least that is what it looks like from the outside. While being a witness to this (and noticing my own ways of doing this), some very powerful communication has come through.

While observing the examples, the communication came through in somewhat different ways for each person yet the theme remained the same: We must stop these distractions. Not very long ago - even just as this year was beginning - the ol' "The Universe is Guiding me", and an amorphous, go-with-the-flow attitude was more the norm for us in the "woo-woo" circles. This, however, is no longer the time for that. The Universe is not guiding us. Our choice, in every tiny moment, is what guides us. We can no longer afford to sit and be "floated down the river", because - quite frankly - the energies have changed. If we sit and try to float, we will discover the "float" isn't there as much as a ping-pong, zing-zong, here-then-there energy is happening.

With this it is important to really be aware that there is not anything "out there" that knows better than we do, that is guiding us. We have sovereign choice, and each tiny, little choice changes our direction. It is the rudder on the boat of our life. We choose where to direct the boat, and the winds of the Universe - the Universal Support - will help us along. if we are in alignment with our True Self, we are working with the Universe. We are choosing to direct our "boat" to where we really, truly want to go and the Universe responds with the winds of support.

Many times the Universe is just waiting for us to decide. To just make one little choice that It can support us in. Sometimes we sit and wait in the still, stale air for direction. Other times we make so many conflicting choices and then we wonder why we feel whipped around, with 800,000 choices before us, and then we freeze in the face of so many options. Or, we follow each thing down the rabbit holes that they are and wonder why we are lost.

We are the ones that need to make the decision and choose the direction. The Universe will always, ALWAYS support us! Part of this choosing is to be Who We Really Are, no matter what area that is in - preferably all of them. In this choice, or many tiny choices that build us, we choose to be our own Superhero. Only when we are in our Authentic Self can we really be the heroes we all know we are, deep down. If you don't know this, dig deeper. And don't be afraid of your own depths.

The importance of being this Authentic Self is great and vast, especially at this time of Energetic Change on our planet. To be our Selves - to become our own Superhero - is to literally save the world. But it is not about one Superhero or one Great Teacher or one Way of Believing or one of anything, except for the One that all of us collectively create by being our Authentic Selves. This is one of the ways that we will save our planet... or, in other words, to help our plant to the next level of Light. And, truly, if you are not about saving the world... then save your own, individual world - your life.

Imagine if Superman had simply spent his time on Facebook or watching t.v. all day, or got lost in a bottle every day (or any number of other distractions), forgetting he was Superman... and then decided that he wasn't Superman after all... that Clark Kent never put on that cape, that he never became Superman...that Wonder Woman never jumped into that invisible jet and picked up that lasso of Truth? Now, I fully realize that Superman and Wonder Woman are  character (or at least is not in this dimension as those particular characters), yet - what if? What if YOU never put on your cape, or picked up the Truth, never volunteered at the shelter, never did what you truly felt in your heart you were meant to? How would you be robbing the world? How DO you rob the world now by not simply being Who You Are? By not sharing what is in your heart? By not sharing YOU? How amazing and different would the world be if you chose to be You, the True You? How could you save your own world - and change your life - by choosing to be Who You Are, in every moment of every day?

So, this is where choosing Your Self - the solidarity of that choice, and all of the others you make in your life - is of utmost importance. Now is the time. You are the creator of your life. Choose where your rudder points your boat (the Universe will support your Sails). Choose to be your Authentic You today. Choose, today, to save the world... to put on your cape... and to be You. Give that gift to the world. The world can never pay you back for such a great gift as this. You are invaluable. The World is waiting. Choose. It is time to drop all of the distractions, and put on that cape...to hold up and uphold your Truth.

May the Compass in your Heart be your Guide
May your Choices be Solid and on your Course
And may the Winds of Universal Support be Forever Yours,

Holly

(*photo credit to www.desktopgirls.com)

Focus vs. Receptivity

If you are waiting for something to happen before you begin what you want to do, it will never happen. If you are waiting for the right time, the right person, the right circumstances, you could be waiting forever.

Iyanla Vanzant 

Happy Solstice Day, Happy Day-of-Most-Light! 

While scrolling through my wall I saw the above status and picture via Iyanla Vanzant on Facebook this morning, and both struck me. The quote - to me - speaks of being so much in a state of receptivity, that you fail to act. It is one end of the spectrum. In many of my readings lately, and just noticing of the energies now, we must switch gears a bit. We must start to move about our lives in a different way. This is no longer the time of (strictly) "wait and see". Just even two years ago we were still in a bit of a holding pattern with energy, a state of mostly waiting to see what comes. We were, at the same time, still of the consciousness of having to "focus" and "go after" what we really wanted. There was a bit of a fight with the energies. 

Currently, those are balancing out... Both of those "feet" are learning their rhythm together, to dance our way through life rather than swing from inactivity to super-active. Petal-to-the-metal, then slamming on the brakes and idling for a while. Things are becoming more fluid. It is time to really be IN WITH the flow, not just to go with the flow. 

So much information has come through lately in regards to shifting from focusing on something as a way of manifesting. In the olden times (you know - the denser times... even up to a few years ago), the "way of getting things done" was to focus, focus, focus. It was a laser beam of intellect and intention, coupled with the force of "going for it" and being relentless. We are completing a movement into energies where this will no longer work as well, or at least there is an easier way. The energies we are moving into are more in alignment with having a thought of something that you want, allowing it to be, letting it go, and then watching how it comes into your life. The lesser amount of focus you have, the quicker it comes in. It is not about staring at a particular doorway in a hallway to see what is coming, but about realizing that you are not even in a building in the first place. 

The miracles are happening at such a pace right now - there are miracles all around us, if we just looked up for a minute and saw them, recognized them. The picture above is so profound in this sense. What the image says to me is to look up and see that the train is right in front of you, ready to take you where you are reading about. If she would just look up for one moment, the miracle is so huge and so right in front of her, that she is missing it. 

Sometimes the obvious things are the miracles we are looking for. But it is time to widen our gaze. It is time for less focus and more trust. It is time for intention, then allowing. The balance between focus and receptivity. Have an intention of what it is you want, then allow it to come in ways you could not imagine. Put down the toy. Stop tinkering. Simply see what you want, or speak it, and allow. The energies are so ripe right now for manifestation - you will be amazed at how fast things appear. This is truly the time of Magic! 

All of the things we saw and read about in The Secret movie and/or book are truly coming to pass now. It is of utmost importance that we shift our thoughts to the positive - to be absolute in what it is that we want, and let go of what we don't want. Notice what it is you don't want, perhaps, but use it only as a reference point for what you do want. You may notice so many things you do not want (i.e., "I don't want a partner who cheats on me"), but we don't have time for this anymore. We must notice it, and shift it (i.e. "I want a partner who is trustworthy, honest, and honors me and our relationship"). 

It is time for us to go deeper. Anyone can look a the surface of something and decide they don't like what it looks like, but what DO you like? Get to the root of it, and then declare it to the Universe/God/The Big Burrito In The Sky. 

Amazing things are happening, people! We are living in SUCH amazing times, if we only allow ourselves to see it. We are living in Times of Magic... We are truly creating our lives and our realities. 

SO! What Magic are you going to allow into your experience today? What Miracles are you willing to see? What Amazement are you co-creating with The All That Is today?

Have fun! Enjoy! Shine!
In the Magic of All That Is,
Holly

P.S. Just as an example, as I edit this post and am ready to "publish", "This Magic Moment" came on via Pandora, on a station that has no business playing that song. Hilarious! =)

Gratitude Always

Aloha Everyone,

Over the last few years, my family and I have had more than their/our fair share of loss: One of my best friends, my best friend's father, my grandfather, my grandmother, then step grandmother passed... Then my father's oldest brother last year, and now my mother's older/oldest sister. All of these losses have gifted me with a shift in perspective and have opened me up in ways that I would not have had without them.

In watching my friends and family pass on through these last few years, I have observed a few things. One is that we never know when it is someone's time to go... Even when we know they are going, we never really know the last time we will see someone. We never know when that last moment will be.

It is of the utmost importance that we be gentle with each other. It is of the utmost importance that not just in those moments when they slip beyond the veil, that we are kind. That we hold them in the highest and purest form of grace, gratitude, love and forgiveness. In these moments just before they cross over, they are being birthed into a new Light, into a new way of being. This, in many ways, is their birthday! We must celebrate their transition and celebrate who they were in this life to us. Before they leave, we must wish them well on their journey and tell them that we love them, that they have enriched our lives, that we are grateful that they have been here and been a part of our lives.

What is most important about this is that we not wait until these last moments, if we are lucky enough to know that last moments are last moments. Every tiny moment of this life counts. Every moment is a moment to choose to see someone as the brilliant spirit that they are, to thank them (if even just mentally) for their contribution in our lives. Every goodbye is a chance to say "I love you" and "thank you for being in my life"... to say "thank you for being you, and for all you have given me just by being you."

All of us enrich each other. Even that guy that cut you off on the freeway... there is something there for us to see, if at the very least it is to see through the illusion and see that maybe they are just having a bad day. That this little piece is not all of them.

What I have expanded upon from these losses is just this: Every one of our days and moments is full of opportunity to see the light in someone - to acknowledge that - and to see beyond anything else that is not that. To allow everyone their own experiences and be in that state of allowing for all things. To know that what anyone else does is their own experience, and hope that it fills them up with joy. To wish everyone well, and to especially be in a state of gratitude for everyone who has been in your life - from the smallest to the-very-center-of-your-heart. This is not a piece of cake sometimes, but it is important to just try and remember... to start to shift to this perspective.

Express to someone your gratitude for them today. Tell them you love them. Acknowledge something that they have contributed to your life. Celebrate them when it comes to mind to do so, and mean it. Come from your heart and see them - who they really are - and the gift that they are to your life.

As my aunt readies herself to pass, I feel the excitement of her next step on a spirit level. I thank her for being the amazing being she is, for being the loving and supporting aunt she has always been, for her kindness, and for everything she took on for everyone around her. I thank her for all that she has been, and wish her the best ever on her journey ahead. I celebrate her life and her love, and I thank you - Maryanne - for who you are.

Love to All,
Holly

Limitations, Jealousy and a Scorpion

Aloha Everyone!

Today was an eventful day, for a clean-the-house/wrap-things-up day in my pajamas. While cleaning, some information came to me in regards to limitations and jealousy. Now - I have had my fair share of jealousy and limiting beliefs... Quite a bit of this has fallen away recently, yet I acknowledge the layers thing - that cycles come and layers fall away, and all is a process.

Back to the jealousy and limitation. So the energy of Jealousy stems from lack - any time you look at someone and say, "I wish I had that" or whatevers, and that ugly-gooey comes up, it is simply just a belief in yourself that you do not have whatever-it-is. BUT! What would happen if instead we rejoiced and celebrated with someone who has what we are wanting? What would happen if you placed yourself inside that joy? Like, for reals. Not a "heh heh I am so happy for you", half-hearted kine thing. What if we allowed ourselves pure joy?

What comes naturally for me is to be happy for people. What comes naturally is to be in joy for whatever people are having, and excitement comes when I see someone having what I would like to experience... as long as I have let go of beliefs of lack. If that shadow crosses my heart when I see someone having something I would like to experience, I stop for a moment. I ask myself if I truly want to have that. I look at why I think I cannot have that. I check the lies I have about not being able to have that. And then, usually, all of the limiting beliefs dissolve. I remember that I can have anything I want. I remember that I am the creator in my life. I remember that whatever experience I choose to have, the Whole of the Universe and The Big Burrito in the Sky are supporting me. I speak it and it is so, and so I choose my words and thoughts carefully. If something shows up in my experience that I don't think I "ordered" off the the Menu of Life Experiences, I look at it before throwing a fit about it. Well, most of the time. Sometimes, I forget. And then I remember again. =)

An example: Today I discovered a scorpion in my house - the first live one I have seen here in Hawaii, and I was a bit surprised, but not really. I moved into my new place at the beginning of April, and I moved into a dryer climate of the island where I had heard the scorpions were. Not, you know, the band. The creature. Anyhow. I didn't freak out as much as I thought I would, and I put it in a pyrex, put the lid on, and kept it until I finished doing what I was doing. I knew I shouldn't kill it, and after/during looking up the meaning of "scorpion" online, taking what resonated, asked Spirit what this was about.

First, even before I moved in I asked about scorpions and centipedes and what the deal was with them at this place. Two days after I moved in I found a huge 8-inch centipede in my house. Now I find the 4-inch-or-so scorpion. So... yes. I did ask, "Are there any scorpions here? How are the centipedes?" and they answered in person. So, again... careful with my words.

Second, I have been getting more clear on what I am here to do... at least in part. Part of my purpose is about being a bridge for beings in other dimensions... including spirits who have not crossed over. I have helped a few cross over, and have spoken with other beings in other dimensions, helped to make peace with this dimension and others in various ways. The scorpion is a symbol and confirmation of this, as the scorpion has been a symbol of death, transformation, darkness, power and many other things in different cultures.

So instead of freaking out about a scorpion being in my house, I stopped for just a few minutes. I asked what the messages were. I saw that the scorpion itself was lost, and I let it go outside. And then I sprayed insect deterrent around my house (another energy of the scorpion - protection), courtesy of my neighbor. Baby steps. Asking. Doing. Knowing that I am the creator in my life, and that I am supported no matter what it may look like.

This has been a good day. Insights on lack beliefs, turning those around and living in joy, and a scorpion with a few messages.

May your every day be blessed, and focused upon the knowing that we all have everything we need... and step forward in the knowing that All Is Well.

Happy and Joyful Creating to you!
Holly

P.S. Here it is again, with my hand to show the size a bit better:

Praying Mantis Magic (from January 27, 2012)

So... Today was not the most "with it" day I have ever had. It was more like a not-so-much, I-feel-like-I-am-metamorphosizing-right-in-front-of-your-eyes, gooey-energy day.

Anyhow, I was able to meditate a bit before going back to work towards the end of the day, and stabilize myself a bit. I went to the gas station, and while filling the tank saw this amazing praying mantis sitting on the edge of the trashcan, facing a bit away from me. I said hello mentally, like I usually do to the tiny things in life (and sometimes out loud, depending, but anyhow)... It turned around and looked directly at me, and walked around the edge of the trashcan and just sat looking directly at me. I noticed its left front leg was a bit injured as it walked over. I was thinking that maybe it wanted to come with me, and as I put out my sleeve for it to jump on or no, it flew directly into the car. The door was not all the way open - just a bit but it flew directly in. I thought, "Well. That answers that... and how cool!"

So I drove back to work in the work car, to which this little spirit did not want to get out of quite yet. I saw that maybe it wanted to go to my house, in the green, so I finished up at work and went back to the work car. I put my hand out - again, for it to crawl onto or no. It did, and I took it to my car. On the way to the car it stood on my fingertips, reaching up to the stars, but not flying away. It slept on the passenger seat of my car all the way home, and once there, did not want to be on the coffee plant, nor the banana leaf, but as I was passing the lilikoi vines it reached out for them.

It was such a wonderful experience - helping this spirit to where it wanted to be, and enjoying its company along the way. =)

Just wanted to share the magic... A nice reminder to slow down, listen and find amazement - even at a gas station, on a very "gooey" day. =)

Poem - The Possibilities 12.18.11

The Possibilities

It is Possible
That this may be
The most Beautiful thing
Ever created

And so I will not
Entertain
any Rules
or Regulations
or Chicken-Little-Sky-Is-Falling pictures
of Catastrophe
that You may have about it

It is Possible
For two people
to Love
and Create such a Light
that the World is Uplifted
Both creating the Awareness
of Possibility
and Destroying
the Paradigms
Set before them

It is Possible
For two people
to Love
one another
so Greatly
that should it be Time
to say goodbye
they would still love Each other
Enough
to still Hold each other
in that very same Light

and so I will not
entertain
any rules
or regulations
or chicken-little-sky-is-falling pictures
of catastrophe
that you may have about it

It is Possible
that This may be
the most Beautiful Thing
Ever Created

It is Possible.

-HB
12.18.11

Soul Mate - "Rocket of Intuition" 10.26.11

Just now I was reading the words "soul mate", and getting the intuition that perhaps it means when one's own soul is fully embodied. I was reading the Hawaiian Oracle cards in which one description talked about the red and gold combination (worn by the Royals/Ali'i here). The message came in that they wore these colors because, as Ali'i, they were fully integrated - body and soul, red and gold.

I decided to look up "mate" from "yerba mate". Yerba means herb and mate means gourd, or cup. In many religions and thought centers the body is considered a "temple" that the soul inhabits, an "empty cup" that the soul fills, etc.

Through the years I have heard that I am my own soulmate. I have to say that this has not been a thrilling proposal, because I have really wanted to find my "person", my "soul mate", my "one". With this new information, more comes together in regards to truly being a "cup that runeth over" with my own spirit... To be fully "in-bodied"/embodied... and then meet my match of someone fully embodied themselves. Two full cups. Soul Mates, "cups" filled with "soul", and experiencing relationship together.

I call this a "rocket of intuition" because sometimes things come as a rocket... some other things come as a meandering rumination.

In any case, I wish all of you find first yourself as your Soul Mate - that your cups be so full of yourself that you runneth over with your brilliant light.

Shine on,
Holly

P.S... More info... When you look at the word "soul", it is also "sol"/"sun"/"light". So, in other words, "Soul Mate" literally means "full cup of light" or "full of your own divine essence". =)

Poem - Volcano 9.27.11

Volcano

Listen to me
When I tell you
That this Passion I have
Must come out
Somehow

If I cannot be direct
If I cannot share this
Outpouring
It must flow around
and about
and encompass

I must stand up
and tell Everyone
without telling them
Your Name

I must paint the strokes
of these feelings
without distinguishing
Your Face

But it must come out
Somehow
all of this burn
all of this liquid fire

Because I can no longer
Keep it in
Under the Dark
Deep
Cracks
of Uncertainty.

- HB 9.27.11

All groups of Peoples have lessons to teach us as a Humanity (from August 25, 2011)

All groups of Peoples have lessons to teach us as a Humanity.

The Black Peoples taught us that race does not define human vs. non-human. That the color of our skin only goes so deep - that we are all Humanity.

The Gay Peoples taught us that gender does not define love or relationships. That Love is soul-ly from the heart, not solely from the opposite gender.

The Transgendered Peoples bring us a message that our physical bodies do not define our gender. That who we are is a spirit in a body, and that our body is malleable and changeable to reflect Who We Are.

Any oppressed peoples that have been viewed as lesser than know these struggles. The Peoples who have come to bring us messages have had to endure battles to get to a point where their messages would be heard. In some places, these groups above STILL are battling. There are other groups still out there that endure the hatred of being different, yet they bring us - as a Peoples - great teachings.

Look inside your heart. Listen to it. See what lessons and doors there are to open in regards to your hatred towards these groups and any other group.

Open your awareness to the Beauty of All, to the Value of All, to the Love of All.

Release the Locks of your Judgments and open all of your doors, all of your windows, and see what miracles occur in your life.

Rumination 7.24.11

If you see the universe as Love Itself, and know that the Universe does not tolerate a void, then know this: anything that is NOT happening in your life is because you have filled it with your own expectations and energy, blocking Love to truly enter and Grace to flow. Pull back your energy from whatever it is that you are wanting, and watch Love's Miracle occur. Love cannot help but rush into that now empty space and fill it with all of your dreams and more.

Rumination of the Morning 7.23.11

"I see now how so many times I sent my wishes up to be fulfilled, yet stood strong in the center of the Stream of Life wondering why I did not receive the things I wished for...fighting the current all the while. Had I only let go and floated with the current, I would have been exactly where those gifts showed up. The Universe has impeccable timing, and I must keep moving with the flow to receive all of its Gifts." - rumination of the morning today...

A Note of Sadness, A Note of Gratitude... (from Tuesday, July 12, 2011)

Aloha Everyone...

I have not told everyone about this, nor intended to blast this all over Facebook, yet I wanted to share this info. for a couple of reasons. One, to let you know what has happened and is happening in my world. Two, so that through this and my family's experience, you may find your own journey with this information and perhaps some gratitude of your own. I apologize in advance for those that will wonder why I did not call them - it is just not something I know how to convey, save the facts that I know. It is also not something easily relatable, nor something anyone has anything they can say about it. It is heavy news.

The news: Friday evening I got a voicemail from my Dad - it was one of "those calls". I knew something had happened. I suspected maybe it was my maternal grandfather or maybe my Uncle Butch - my dad's oldest brother. I had a feeling that sometime I would get a call about either one - my grandpa is older, and my uncle has had some pretty severe health issues within the past year or two. I called my dad back, and we said the usual "hi's"... He said he had some bad news, and I said, "Grandpa?"... He said "No, Butch." I was not prepared for what he said next: "He was murdered."

Apparently, my Uncle Butch had taken in/befriended a couple of troubled kids, which he did through his life - taking in troubled kids/adults and giving everyone a second chance. He had a huge heart. The younger kid - a 16 year old - and another 20 year old that the kid knew are the ones that took his life. My uncle was beaten to death in his home and then robbed. There are other details, but I only share as much as I did here as more of an FYI, to let you know what is going on/happened.

The sadness I have for the way he left this world is indescribable... He was a bright spirit on this planet and a gentle soul... combined with an enormous appreciation for expression and humor. He was unique in many ways - he had a gentle warmth and acceptance of people that was palpable. He just was who he was and took everyone else that way too.

I share this with you - again - to convey what is going on in my world, and in my family's world. To ask that you send support to them and grace and healing. This is something that happens on CSI or Law and Order, but not in real families... until it does. So, in part, I ask for your thoughts and prayers of support as all of us go through our individual processes of healing with this.

I also share this because I have found a level of gratitude and compassion that I have not been in before, and maybe by reading this you will find a piece of it of your own. Through these last few days, I have found a huge space of gratitude for having known such a beautiful spirit as my uncle. I am so grateful and honored that I was fortunate enough to have him as part of my family and to have known him. Along with that, I am so grateful for my family... I have been blessed to have amazing and wonderful spirits in my lineage, and as my current family. I have also been blessed with the wonderful friends in my life, my chosen family. With these events, I have found a deeper level of gratitude for all of our individualities and for people in general.

Further in the gratitude department, I have found such gratitude for my sobriety. I was once out there, drinking and using. The kids who did this to my uncle are out there and lost souls themselves. I could have easily become who they have become, and am grateful to have made different choices. I am also grateful that I do not carry the burden that they now carry - to have taken the life of a gentle and beautiful being. No matter what verdict comes of the case, no matter what bravado or personality (twisted or no) that they may have in this life, they still/now carry that mark of harming and taking the life of an Innocent. It is a very heavy burden to bear.

So in all of this, I have found sorrow, to great depths. I have also found gratitude to great heights and breadths. I have found humility and compassion also to greater depths. Though I mourn the loss of such a gentle and warm light going out in this world, I have the deepest gratitude for the depths I now feel and the awareness this has brought.

I send my love and Hugs to all of you, and wishes that this may touch you in some way...to ignite you in whatever area it may effect you as well.

Love,
Holly