Aloha Everyone...
I have not told everyone about this, nor intended to blast this all over Facebook, yet I wanted to share this info. for a couple of reasons. One, to let you know what has happened and is happening in my world. Two, so that through this and my family's experience, you may find your own journey with this information and perhaps some gratitude of your own. I apologize in advance for those that will wonder why I did not call them - it is just not something I know how to convey, save the facts that I know. It is also not something easily relatable, nor something anyone has anything they can say about it. It is heavy news.
The news: Friday evening I got a voicemail from my Dad - it was one of "those calls". I knew something had happened. I suspected maybe it was my maternal grandfather or maybe my Uncle Butch - my dad's oldest brother. I had a feeling that sometime I would get a call about either one - my grandpa is older, and my uncle has had some pretty severe health issues within the past year or two. I called my dad back, and we said the usual "hi's"... He said he had some bad news, and I said, "Grandpa?"... He said "No, Butch." I was not prepared for what he said next: "He was murdered."
Apparently, my Uncle Butch had taken in/befriended a couple of troubled kids, which he did through his life - taking in troubled kids/adults and giving everyone a second chance. He had a huge heart. The younger kid - a 16 year old - and another 20 year old that the kid knew are the ones that took his life. My uncle was beaten to death in his home and then robbed. There are other details, but I only share as much as I did here as more of an FYI, to let you know what is going on/happened.
The sadness I have for the way he left this world is indescribable... He was a bright spirit on this planet and a gentle soul... combined with an enormous appreciation for expression and humor. He was unique in many ways - he had a gentle warmth and acceptance of people that was palpable. He just was who he was and took everyone else that way too.
I share this with you - again - to convey what is going on in my world, and in my family's world. To ask that you send support to them and grace and healing. This is something that happens on CSI or Law and Order, but not in real families... until it does. So, in part, I ask for your thoughts and prayers of support as all of us go through our individual processes of healing with this.
I also share this because I have found a level of gratitude and compassion that I have not been in before, and maybe by reading this you will find a piece of it of your own. Through these last few days, I have found a huge space of gratitude for having known such a beautiful spirit as my uncle. I am so grateful and honored that I was fortunate enough to have him as part of my family and to have known him. Along with that, I am so grateful for my family... I have been blessed to have amazing and wonderful spirits in my lineage, and as my current family. I have also been blessed with the wonderful friends in my life, my chosen family. With these events, I have found a deeper level of gratitude for all of our individualities and for people in general.
Further in the gratitude department, I have found such gratitude for my sobriety. I was once out there, drinking and using. The kids who did this to my uncle are out there and lost souls themselves. I could have easily become who they have become, and am grateful to have made different choices. I am also grateful that I do not carry the burden that they now carry - to have taken the life of a gentle and beautiful being. No matter what verdict comes of the case, no matter what bravado or personality (twisted or no) that they may have in this life, they still/now carry that mark of harming and taking the life of an Innocent. It is a very heavy burden to bear.
So in all of this, I have found sorrow, to great depths. I have also found gratitude to great heights and breadths. I have found humility and compassion also to greater depths. Though I mourn the loss of such a gentle and warm light going out in this world, I have the deepest gratitude for the depths I now feel and the awareness this has brought.
I send my love and Hugs to all of you, and wishes that this may touch you in some way...to ignite you in whatever area it may effect you as well.
Love,
Holly
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